Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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