you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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