piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
