Already got asked if we're dating
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
