Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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