she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
