he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
