I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Come share oat with me in your robe
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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