sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize