they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
