After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
