what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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