I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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