Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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