I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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