When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
