perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
