Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
