best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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