so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
