Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
