Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
