so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
