dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
