OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
