Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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