I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
