Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
