Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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