wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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