Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
