So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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