im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
