Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
