i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize