Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
