Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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