he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
