I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
