Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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