I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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