I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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