3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
