i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
