the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
