Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
