Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
