I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
you never un-have a 4some
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
