I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
