Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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