I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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