they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
