wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
its not stalking. its research.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
