I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i now understand why vodka
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
