i already hear my dad disowning me
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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