Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
