We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
