the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
