You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
