and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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