Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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