Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
