you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
