If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
