He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
