Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
