so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
