He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
