I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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