If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
