Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
