Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
