I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
