P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
