just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
