Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize