Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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