walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
