Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
