Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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