I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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