Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
