Whod you bang
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
