Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
