I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
