he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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