I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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