I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
