I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
