And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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