my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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