AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
