My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
