My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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