we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
