I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
