And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
