I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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