We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
