i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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