some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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