they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
