found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
