Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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