Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize