if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
