I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
