I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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