Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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