they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize